How I Became A Proud Terrorist Written October 2020

You spend a lot of time throughout childhood being asked and pondering what you want to be when you grow up. I, like probably everyone reading this, had many different ideas throughout my entire upbringing about what I wanted to be. They included a veterinarian, an astronaut, a CEO, even President of the United States among other things. About the only common thing I didn’t think of was a cop. And indeed I could have been anything I wanted. It has been said that I was dealt a brain on the extremely high functioning side of the Autism spectrum. Perhaps that’s the case perhaps not. I certainly struggle with eye contact and can be socially awkward. But what I was also blessed with is an extremely high level of intelligence and an extreme dedication to whatever I set my mind to. I have been very successful at most everything I have pursued in life with passion, which accounts for most everything I have pursued in life. One thing I never thought I would become however was a terrorist.

But as I sit here and type this a terrorist is what I am. Thanks to my most recent police report I found out I am on the Federal Terrorism Watchlist, as was picked up by the news here. What this means as a matter of law is that the government has declared me a known or suspected terrorist. Because of that a terrorist I must be. While I accept this label (I really have no choice) it’s important to understand how and why I became a terrorist as well as what type of terrorist I became. I will own up to this label and even wear it with pride so long as the basis is understood.

I was born white, heterosexual, cis-gendered, and male. These were all privileges I was endowed. In every other way I grew up immensely underprivileged. By the time I turned 20 I had already been fucked so hard by the system that I felt powerless. I had lived in a domestic warzone and had lost the love of my life and unborn child while nobody even knew where I was at. But I was blessed with the ability to look past the person who took those from me and into the system that created them.

I came back to Madison a completely different beast altogether. At that point I had sworn off violence. I left my Beretta 92 behind and hadn’t touched a single gun or dangerous weapon since. I hadn’t responded to a single situation with violence since either. Violence was no longer necessary and I developed a knack for psychological warfare. I realized that you don’t have to harm someone physically and you can actually damage them more by abstaining from physical violence. But Madison also offered a testing ground where it was safe not to handle situations with violence. So I perfected my craft, fighting situations psychologically, in ways that made people wish I fought them physically instead. Also in ways in which it couldn’t come back at me in a legal sense. I toppled peoples worlds in around them and I became an embodiment of their own flaws.

They, of course, lashed out by making up stories about me, a common tactic amongst those who cannot hold themselves accountable for their own actions. But I never really cared and to this day don’t care about any grievance or story which was not legitimate. After all a person should only hold themselves accountable to their legitimate faults. Having lost everything put me in a unique position. There was nothing that could happen that would be worse than what already had happened. That formed the basis of the danger I would later pose.

Then came 2011, the masses came and went from the Wisconsin State Capitol and what was left was a small group. The Capitol Police issued an illegal order banning two person signs from any floor other than the ground floor, a clearly unconstitutional order which was declared so by the courts in the years that followed. I searched far and wide for someone willing to get arrested with me to challenge that order. Everyone, including many of the people who would regularly join me later in arrest, declined. I did manage after some time to enlist the help of a disabled veteran from Florida by the name of Valerie Walasek and she flew up and got arrested with me. After a few days more people would join in and the policy would be revoked. But I didn’t stop there. I started arrest actions for holding signs and filming in the galleries and committees. In each battle no one would join me (and Valerie had gone back to Florida) until after I had first done it.

But as the battles went on more and more people would do it with more frequency. As the leader of the arrests and at a time arrests weren’t really seen outside of klan rallies and anarchist actions, I was pinned with a target. And in fact in the civil suit that followed the judge acknowledged I was the most arrested but lowered the damages because I was the leader. And I would keep coming back and keep getting arrested with a consistency unseen amongst anyone else. They tried everything they could to get me to stop but I just wouldn’t. They even tried beating me and I ended up on Morphine and in a neck brace for eight months but I still came back. To the government it doesn’t matter who is right or wrong. The system is in place to make you stop, to control you even if you are right. When the system and the conditioning of it cannot control you then you are considered especially dangerous.

This was my new target and I was going to psychologically fight them by simply being that guy they couldn’t control and rubbing it in their face with a little bit of trollish flair added. It’s a war that wages on to this day. I continued employing new and innovative tactics of resistance and continued showing up every day in every movement that followed. Then Michael Brown was shot and I was asked if I would post some phone numbers. These numbers happened to be lines directly inside the White House Situation Room and were not staffed by people paid to deal with pissants like you and I. Most people would not want to wage war with the White House. Indeed I was easy to find since my post was the only record on the entire internet with those numbers. But I did it anyway because I wanted Obama to know how many people didn’t stand with protesters (including myself) getting gassed in Ferguson.

What followed was the freezing of all of my bank accounts. So to piss them off I countered with a lavish and extremely expensive trip to Chicago as the next weekend was my birthday weekend. It was in Chicago at a private yacht party with Talib Kweli and Pretty Lights that I met a broke stripper who happened to be the ex wife of a CIA contractor. What followed was my friends and I being regularly drugged with barbiturates and an attempt to assassinate my character which failed. But I still didn’t back down. In fact I was now running a rather successful business and could not only participate but also bank roll certain activities. This ended in a full swat raid of my house over two eighths and a quarter of Cannabis. Even then I got more inflammatory getting sentenced to 14 days of work release jail and buying a limo and putting 22 inch rims on it just so I could go to work and back in style. I had the audacity to not only be thrown in jail but to make a mockery of it. Keep in mind during this time Madison PD also had a red alert on my name requiring me to be searched at gunpoint prior to an ambulance seeing me in an emergency as happened one time when I was coughing up blood.

But it didn’t stop there. In 2018 I ran for Congress for the second time, this time smoking bongs in my campaign videos. I ran in a five way primary for Paul Ryans seat again as a progressive Republican something that did not exist. I talked to voters and they saw I was genuine and real. And despite only spending $600 and not being allowed in the Republican debates I still got viable numbers in the primary being neck and neck with the religious candidate, the military candidate, and the nationalist candidate. What this showed statistically is that the progressive platform I was pushing was just as viable as the other platforms I was neck and neck with. One could even say it is more viable as they all spent thousands of dollars and all but the nationalist and myself were allowed at the GOP debates.

This represented a threat to the entire two party system. The Democratic party has a strong hold on their primary voters that’s why a true progressive can barely ever win. The Republican Party has no control over their primary voters which is how the tea party came about. If people realized it was possible for a progressive to win a GOP primary it would hurt the entire two party system. What followed was a series of events where the FBI pitched me a radioactive poison that scientifically risks no harm to anyone unless ingested or inhaled. They sold it to me as the perfect way to kill myself which would be completely safe to anyone other than myself (when I ingested it) and would look like my previous cancer killed me. They sold me a single lethal dose then arrested me for buying it.

Despite the emails clearly showing I intended to use it for myself in a mental health crisis, they told the judge and the nation they thought I was trying to kill someone else, even admitting they had no idea who I was trying to kill. What followed was a 16 month prosecution. It became the first ever prosecution in the nation under 18 USC 2332i – Acts of Nuclear Terrorism. I became the first person federally to be charged with nuclear terrorism. But as time went on they realized they couldn’t even fabricate a case. So they offered me time served about six months in. I was facing life but could walk free at any time. That offer stood the entire next ten months I stayed in jail. I did every day in jail knowing I could walk out the next if I would just cave.

But cave I did not and sixteen months later I beat the nuclear terrorism charge, taking instead a small felony that’s akin to taking a disorderly conduct plea on a murder case. They tried everything they could to discredit me including attacking my battles with cancer. I was then on federal probation. Surely the fear of being revoked combined with the brutal retaliation I had just faced would make me lay low, back down. Any reasonable person would after all. And for a while I laid low. Well what I considered laying low. I still managed to get kicked out of the halfway house despite my best efforts to lay low. Then something happened and that something was the brutal murder of a man named George Floyd. And I could lay low no longer. I joined the protests and started live streaming even ignoring curfew a direct snub at US Probation, the US Attorneys office, and the FBI. I wasn’t reasonable and I wouldn’t back down. I showed up many times and risked many arrests while on probation and even announcing that on live stream. I couldn’t just not let them control me, I had to also rub it in their faces.

I was that itch they couldn’t scratch, that venereal disease that just wouldn’t go away. And inadvertently I was chipping away at their power by showing everyone how little control they really had. It wasn’t about me it was about not letting them win. If I backed down then I would set a precedent and anyone who was watching may think they should back down. If they could take out Jeremy Ryan, the only person whos been consistently in their face at every social movement since the Capitol Occupation of 2011, then who are they to stand up? I couldn’t let them think for a second they had won. And in doing so I terrorized the very system that attempted to control me. Nothing terrorizes them more than lack of control.

To be clear I have not served nor will I serve in an official leadership capacity in this (BLM) movement. I am there as an extra body and mind. I have seen first hand in other cities where this movement gets coopted by white people and they think that they should get the final say. In order to remain organic the movement must remain led by those most affected. I wholeheartedly believe this. So if leadership makes a decision I disagree with, as happened once when I was asked not to livestream, I provide my opinion stating it as strictly just my opinion and if they still say no I respectfully comply. And I respect that wholeheartedly. So at no point in this am I leading the protest in any fashion, however I am showing up and I’m doing that every day. But then comes the extremely violent and unnecessary arrest of Yeshua Musa (also known as Devonere Johnson).

The community watched in horror as the police very forcefully kidnapped him refusing to tell him why he was being arrested. I had met Yeshua once before that (while we were both regularly present at the protests it was a fairly large group so our paths just didn’t cross much) and even then had not had much of a conversation with him. But I made a post saying people needed to show up and I did show up. I marched as five cars tried to hit us, one of which only after trying to hit us got his windows smashed and his ass beat. The media reported on the damage but never asked why that was done. I was there as the statutes came down. I was there when someone tried to fire bomb the City County Building. I cheered as flames were visible.

But the next day I got disturbing news that Yeshua was in segregation. I got set off because less than a year before I was thrown in segregation for filling out too many medical slips for what appeared to be a stroke. That’s a long story for another time. But I had to do something. So I devised a plan all of which I had done my research and knew was First Amendment protected speech. A plan that was aimed to free Yeshua from segregation but also draw attention to the Sheriffs inadequacies because I felt that issue was not getting nearly enough attention and he was dodging actual accountability leading to unnecessary suffering amongst those in jail. You see for a few months I had been attempting to have a discussion with Sheriff Mahoney about my situation and ways we could ensure it never happened again. And ways in which he could improve on the jail. He has blown me off, on one occasion calling me “full of hot air” on a Facebook comment. I called him on his cell and he hung up. So I sent him a text giving him four hours to release Yeshua from segregation or I would release all of his information.

At four hours exactly I followed through and twenty minutes later Yeshua was released from segregation. Later that night I was arrested for terroristic threats and felony stalking. And in the police report I found out that I was an FBI official terrorist. So a terrorist I am. And I am proud to wear that label. I do not handle situations with violence and I haven’t for quite some time. I’ve never wanted to join a terrorist organization nor would I ever consider it. I have but one weapon in my arsenal but it is in fact more dangerous than any weapon ever possessed by ISIS.

I have a mind. And I use it regularly. And I have persistence. The system fears my mind because I constantly think of new and inventive ways to fuck with it. I look outside of what is and instead of what could be. And I am unable to be controlled. No matter what they do I just keep coming back. They also fear me because they view me as a symbol of resilience. That is why they tried so hard to make my battles with cancer seem fake. They could not fathom how people may be inspired to act if they knew the only consistent person in their face for ten full years did so while also fighting such a horrendous condition.

And that is how I became a terrorist. Having a voice and not letting that voice be silenced. Everyone else who stood with me in 2011 came and went. Some of them still show up at times. But I was the only one to remain consistent. From the occupation of the Wisconsin State Capitol, which spawned the Occupy movement until now I kept going and remained a thorn in their side. While everyone else got tired of arrests I said more. And that does invoke fear. The only threat I ever posed was to the establishment system. And that threat was real and remains so. And so long as that is the case a terrorist I will proudly be. Because I can not and will not sit idly by watching people suffer. And I will continue using my mind to terrorize the oppressors. I guess a terrorist is something we should all strive to be! And based off what I have seen from the new group of people out on the streets, I think more people will be in this boat in years to come. All, like me, only ever using one weapon. The most dangerous weapon to ever exist. The human mind.